Very fierce right...

Was I very fierce in my last post?

Yah lah I think so. But I feel for my friend lah. I was like him almost two years back.
Also, I'm feeling a bit high from a bit of beer, so the inhibitions are gone lah... Just fuck whoever and whatever.

Just read Yaohui, Kenny and Chee Lip's blogs hahahaha... they responded to my entry about Battle Royale... go read lah... and Yaohui says that it will be 2 years before I come up with something as a response.

Being the smart guy that he is, shall I feed his ego and prove him right? Or should I respond to his taunt and just blog my response? Opps too late, I have already responded. And you're reading the response now in case you haven't got it you stupid kid... hahaha.. No tuition for you.

This is actually too short to qualify as a response lah... I have tons of rubbish to throw back at him. But because I'm feeling high, I think this is the best time to go sleep and dream of banging 20 Buffys and 40 Lin Zhilings...

In the meantime, if you're bored, go read their blogs lah... then you'll appreciate me.

Why?

Why ask why? Stupid kid.

Relationships

Another friend of mine broke up. He's in the dumps because of it.

Sigh.

Why?

When there's a breakup, one moves on and the other is left standing.

Why does the other have to be standing? Shouldn't he/she just move on with life? Lousy lah..
Weak lah...

Fuck you.

If you think that way, you probably don't deserve love. Or prolly you deserve to die.

Harsh right? Yeah you deserve it if you thought that way.

True, two parties put their efforts to make things right, but as always there will be a difference in their horizons. How they view things. On what time span. One party may be trying to provide for a better future while the other might just want to see things that's before them. One party may have his family in mind when making decisions while the other just recklessly decides to leave family out of the picture. One party may be just asking for his/her own space while the other treats it as neglect.

Love is understanding. And being patient. Don't try to change anyone.

Nothing much to say. Just some random thoughts. I will substantiate my statements next time. Meanwhile, if you're offended, I say "Fuck you" one more time.

Battle Royale

I went to do this questionaire in Yaohui's blog. He did it and it told him that he was some character. Raistlin. Dunno wtf's that. I could eat raisins though...
Turns out Raistlin's some evil wizard.

I was rather stirred by one of the questions:
" Would you kill your best friend if doing so gives you immortality?"

Kenny and I discussed over the short supper session, and both of us gave a flat "No way"

You know what Yaohui said?

Yup you guessed it. That's why he's the evil wizard. Wrinkly little sneak.

What's the use of immortality when all your friends are dead?

Remember the show Battle Royale? A class of Japanese students were taken to this island where they had to kill each other to survive. Each of them were give something as weapon and were let loose into the island at intervals.

Yaohui asked who I would kill first if we were in that predicament.

Without thinking I told him it was him I would kill.

Hahahahahaha.

Eh I know him for very long already leh. Knowing him, he would try to kill me first. That's why I have to kill him, then go make allies and form a gang to get out of that place alive. All together. If I don't, he'll go form a gang and kill me. Then he'll kill everyone secretly after that.

Hahahaha fucking funny.

Who would you buddy up with?

I've always maintained that I would team up with Benny, cos he was good at convincing and enterprising as well. He would have an idea how to get us out of that place. He'll probably be able to trade two stones for a machine gun.

Kenny? erm... he will stick to Xiaojia lah... I'll prolly find him in some bush having his last hump... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Chee lip? He'll "sleep for a while first" at the entrance. And wake up dead. Hahahahahaha.

Turtle? I'll steal his weapon while he's trying to head-butt Ah siong to death.

Herbert? He will go look for a church and start praying.

Quack? Quack? Quack?

Hahahahaha nabeh blogging is fun.

Give up your seat...

A few days back, my bro and I were walking home from Boon Lay MRT. We do it as a form of bonding lah.. walk, smoke, talk. And I see this very old lady carrying a big red plastic bag, with a walking stick in the other hand. She was moving real slowly. With difficulty as well.

What would you do if you were me?
(a) offer help.
(b) act blur and walk past her quickly, hoping she wouldn't ask you for help.
(c) walk backwards, away from her. And when you reach a safe distance, take a cab home. You are scared of old women.

If you chose (b), you are a bad lover. WTF? Go think about it.

No lah... Most of us are brought up in a fine country where we have been drilled since young to give up seats to the elderly, help the elderly and care for them. Though I can't agree with most of the methods of teaching, this one I remember the most:

" In an old village far far away... Grandpa is old. Papa hates Grandpa cos he is a liability. Old, not working, only knows how to eat, sleep and shit all over himself. Papa begins to weave bamboo basket. Boy-boy asks Papa what the basket is for. Papa said it is to store Grandpa inside while he drags him into the forest to abandon to be eaten by tigers. Boy-boy asks Papa why abandon Grandpa. Papa says Grandpa useless and yada yada. Papa goes into forest with Grandpa, comes back without him. Papa sees Boy-boy weaving bamboo basket..."

Moral of the story:
Take care of the old and don't fucking show that you're an ingrateful bastard in front of your kids. Don't do fucked up things now if you want to be treated well in the future.

Er... how does it fit? I don't know also. Just felt like telling that story.

Anyway, I chose to offer help to the old lady. I stopped beside her, with my bro, and asked

"Auntie, ai4 wa4 dao4 ka1 chiu4 mai3?" (Auntie, need me to help?)

You know what she said?

"Mai lah mai lah! See gin nah! Ai gia wa mi gia zao!" (Wanna take my things run!)

And she was shouting.

Fucking chee bye.

After a long hard day at work, there I was, in shirt and pants, tired from work, but offering to carry that big red plastic bag of don't-know-simi-lan for an old lady, and I had to kanna fuck?

What would you do? Would you:

(a) Beat her up.
(b) Take her things and run. Prove her right.
(c) Fuck her back.

If you chose any of the above, don't give birth to sons. They will weave baskets.

Well being the gentleman that I am, I smiled sweetly at her and walked away.
Wah... imagine my rage. Do I really look like a bad guy?
Yes I do ,I hear you say (you bleeding nipple), but then again I was in shirt and pants leh?

Then I thought of something. It's part of my philosophy towards life. Let me teach you guys one thing about inter-personal skills.

When someone does something that upsets you, think of a reason why he/she did it. Then give them an excuse for behaving that way.

This way, you'll almost never get angry with people. And people will love you.

Muack.

So I thought of that old lady. Some sonofabitch must have took off with her big red plastic bag full of don't-know-simi-lan before. That's why she behaved that way. Once bitten twice shy mah.

Which led me to think: which fucker could have done something like that?

I thought for days and nights. Missed my meals. Stopped surfing porn. Stopped wanking. Stopped going to work. I thought and thought...

Eureka!

A Bangla.

Only a bangla could have done such a thing.

Why? Aiyah stop asking why lah you stupid kid.

Ever seen a bangla give up a seat?

Think about it.

Is sex really...

Funny?

Just had a short drink and makan with my mates Yaohui and Kenny. Yaohui blogged that because he thinks that I know my sis is reading my blog so I have to restrict my blog to "cleaner entries". That means without the mentioning of sex. And for me, apparently, No sex= no humour.

Is sex really funny? Or do I make it funny?

Do you laugh when you're having sex?

Next time when you have sex, think of what I just asked.

No don't call out my name you idiot, I don't want girlfriends calling me up saying I am a faggoty Hu Li Jing or for ladies, boyfriends ambushing me and beating me up. But just think whether sex is really funny. Do you laugh when you're humping? Can you?

You can if:
(a) you're banging a girl for the first time, and you've been trying to for 5 years. Ole!
(b) you are a girl and you know this guy suffers from premature ej. And he is FUCKING rich. and you're FUCKING fertile. "you have to marry me" Tai Tai life!! Ole!
(c) you think of my blog. Ole! Ole! Ole!

Haha!!

There you go! Let it go into your subconscious mind... If this really goes into your mind, you will laugh and think of me the next time you do the mambo.

Sorry guys, laughing kills the erection.

Aiyah... don't blame me man... I can picture people having sex halfway then thinking about me, lose the erection, gives a silent curse, reassure the girlfirend that he really loves her (and hasn't been cheating), then carry on humping...

Anyway some guys think of old ugly aunties during sex to prevent themselves from coming too fast.

I just gave you all another idea. Yeah?

I think what I wrote is a bit distasteful.

But who the fuck cares? Hahahahahahahaha...

Decepticon

Either my mates are stupid kids, or I am just too smart.

Hahahahahahahaha!!

I'll continue this entry after I come back from supper!

Surprised. Jack-in-the-box style

I am surprised.

It started private, and only my buddies knew about this.

No it's not about my STD, you dick head, I'm talking about my blog.

I was talking to someone very dear today, and I realised my blog actually has an audience. Audience that I didn't know of. Audience that I might inadvertently offend without me knowing.

Oh well, I am a writer lah. Writers sometimes write fictitious things.. so don't believe everything you see here. This entry might even be fictitious. How would you know?

I had left out the installation of a hit counterwhen I started this blog cos:
(a) I was lazy
(b) I didn't think I would care, since I thought the people reading it will be less than 10.
(c) I was lazy

Oh well, it seems that I should install a counter? Then again, I am lazy. And stats don't matter much to me. Readers, just know that some things I write about need to be taken with a pinch of salt. Not entirely true or serious.

Alright, now that I'm done with the blatant and futile attempt to mislead everyone to think that my blog isn't entirely truthful, let me just say that I love you all.

WHAT? WTF?

Yah. See? Don't take me too seriously.

I only love some of you. Hahahaha.

Sis, I know you read my blogs. Da kor loves you (eeks!!). Study hard but not so hard lah... You are smart like me so no need to study so hard... No need to get stressed over exams. I was never stressed hahaha.. then again your grades are better than mine... I jealous lah that's why...

Muack.

I'm not going crazy lah. Relax guys.

Yaohui, I will look for a new job lah... Not so goondu one... I just want to get my network up before the new year so that next year when I go work everything will be easier... it's not the time to look for jobs anyways... people will quit after they get bonuses and that's when I will go in... no they are not excuses. I am not lazy man... I fucking work from 5 to about 2 every night.

Muack.

Kenny, I will try not to be late again when we meet up. Hahaha sorry about last Sunday yah... let's go watch more soccer sometime, so that we can see more 1-nil victories by Liverpool and Man U's revival. And no I don't need to wank more... my right arm is getting bigger as we breathe...

Muack.

What if the army suddenly calls to tell me I'm in? what should I do?

That's a pleasant problem... but knowing how they work... it prolly wun happen for the next 5 yrs.

Man I've lost it. I can't seem to find anything funny to write about. I should go out now and observe ppl. I am sure I can find something funny to write about today.

Just had a chat with YX. I asked her for ideas and she told me to write about our conversation. Funny meh? Hmmm... I'll think of how to make it funny.

Why the emphasis on being funny?

Cos I am a funny guy. It has been said.

Do I need to keep this up?

No lah I dun think so.

But then again, I like to make my blog funny so that when I read it again after a while it'll be entertaining. Like when I went through the whole thing again last night. Hahaha.. Penis jokes and stupid kids...

Say, we haven't had BBQs for a long time yah? Why don't we do it soon? That idiot Yaohui's bday is around the corner, and Mei's just past without us doing anything... why don't we have a combined one to celebrate? How how? Suggest leh... we can go check out new BBQ spots...

Ok, that's all for now... very interactive right?

Leave comments so that I know who reads. Don't be shy. Don't spam.

Off to work!

Don't.

Don't be concerned, don't be worried.
Don't laugh, don't frown.
Don't call, don't MSN.
Don't judge, don't comment.

It was just to let off steam.

The next post will be funny. Or your money back.

Dream a little dream

I had a dream this morning. It involved my two previous ex-s.. No funny stuff lah, basically in the dream the earlier ex (BB) told me to go and get the later ex (YX) back. Then *poof* she disappeared.. haha.. she looks a bit aged, slightly wrinkly.. but she was still beautiful.. hahah she’s married lah, but she’s the most beautiful thing that happened to me. She’ll have a good life.

Then I spoke to YX. We chatted about our past, and that we were willing to put the past behind us.. then suddenly she had to go. She didn’t disappear lah, just left my house. Something weird happened after that… I could hear her speaking to someone on the phone.. the whole conversation was in my head… fucked up lah, basically. The whole conversation left me feeling damn fucked up haha.

Then I woke up. Lonely.

All the bad memories came flooding back. How the r/s between YX and I ended. I woke up with hate.

I think I have too much hate in me. I go through everyday happy, trying to make everyone be happy as well. Give them hope, make them laugh, make them see how they are headed towards a good future. But when I go home, end of the day, when everyone’s asleep and I’m still awake, I am filled with hate. And sadness. I haven’t shared my bed with someone I love for almost two years. I haven’t learnt to let go properly. How fucked.

It sucks not being able to go home at the end of the day and share happiness with someone. It sucks not being able to go home at the end of the day and be act like a little boy to someone. This whole “big Bro” image is what I give everyone, but I still need my outlet at the end of the day.

What Yaohui said is right. I have to learn how to admit that I lost. But fuck man I still refuse to do so. I just hate failing. I hate losing.
I still think of the Basketball Finals when I was Captain. How we were on the verge of making a comeback when I traveled. How I did not expend every bit of my energy to make sure we won.
I still think of making it big so that I can redeem myself. YX was with me when I was going thru a difficult period. She was the motivation of my dreams. To make enough to let her have a happy, luxurious life. But before it could happen, we split. Now that I’m back in MLM biz, I still have this stupid dream. If not to get her back, then at least get back at her. Everyone who reads this will think it’s stupid. Yeah man I think so too. But dreams are not logical anyway.

I think I just need love. Not sex, you fuckhead, love.

I see people in love, and envy them. I see people with super-steady gfs who can get along with the rest of the gang, and I envy them. I had someone like that.

Hahaha.. how apt. My bro just brought his gf home. I have to vacate the room. Be back later.

No I’m not that sad lah.. just happens once in a while. If I don’t let it off here, where else?

Change is the only constant

It's been so long.

I will be simple this time. No fanciful sentences, no funny stuff. Just updates since the last time I was here. Don't read if you can't take vulgarities.

Lost a very dear friend. Dunno how to carry on blogging without blogging about him. He was quite a bit part of my inspirations. He used to smoke with me at my void deck while we discuss biz ideas. Or when I low morale or sian he would be there, as usual. "eh chee bye" was his usual style of greeting. hahaha. I miss him. And I feel fucked up about not visiting him. I will do it this weekend. See you on Sunday, Benny!

Went to reservist, got so much encouragement from my course-mates to sign on.. applied, went for the interview, went away with super high hopes. Everything seemed to go be going great.. then the fucking army decided to leave my hanging dry. It's been 5 months. Those fuckers.

Decided to do something in the meantime. Got a job, got fucked by my boss, fucked him back, resigned (HAHA). Got my first taste of being back-stabbed at work. Aiyah it's ok I will forgive. Some people are just there to let you know how good the real people around you are.

Fell out with a friend. Quite a good friend, if not one of the best. Aiyah fuck it man. Time will heal it lah...

Do I sound very down? You would, too, if you're typing on a very slow computer that hangs every 15 mins. Laggy somemore.

I sound down, but I am not. Not at all. With the turn of the seasons, my life is going to turn too. I see not just light at the end of the tunnel, I also see a new BigBang. How this version 2.6.5 is going to be like, I will update you.

Inside me there's this undescribeable rage. I'm still trying to find out why and what caused this. Maybe I will share more. Next time.

I hate you, life. You think you can screw me up? haha no way. I will get back on my feet and fuck you back. Give you ten times worse. I will make you my bitch, and I will enjoy you. I have a story to write about you, and meanwhile you just wait and see. I control you.