Dream a little dream
I had a dream this morning. It involved my two previous ex-s.. No funny stuff lah, basically in the dream the earlier ex (BB) told me to go and get the later ex (YX) back. Then *poof* she disappeared.. haha.. she looks a bit aged, slightly wrinkly.. but she was still beautiful.. hahah she’s married lah, but she’s the most beautiful thing that happened to me. She’ll have a good life.
Then I spoke to YX. We chatted about our past, and that we were willing to put the past behind us.. then suddenly she had to go. She didn’t disappear lah, just left my house. Something weird happened after that… I could hear her speaking to someone on the phone.. the whole conversation was in my head… fucked up lah, basically. The whole conversation left me feeling damn fucked up haha.
Then I woke up. Lonely.
All the bad memories came flooding back. How the r/s between YX and I ended. I woke up with hate.
I think I have too much hate in me. I go through everyday happy, trying to make everyone be happy as well. Give them hope, make them laugh, make them see how they are headed towards a good future. But when I go home, end of the day, when everyone’s asleep and I’m still awake, I am filled with hate. And sadness. I haven’t shared my bed with someone I love for almost two years. I haven’t learnt to let go properly. How fucked.
It sucks not being able to go home at the end of the day and share happiness with someone. It sucks not being able to go home at the end of the day and be act like a little boy to someone. This whole “big Bro” image is what I give everyone, but I still need my outlet at the end of the day.
What Yaohui said is right. I have to learn how to admit that I lost. But fuck man I still refuse to do so. I just hate failing. I hate losing.
I still think of the Basketball Finals when I was Captain. How we were on the verge of making a comeback when I traveled. How I did not expend every bit of my energy to make sure we won.
I still think of making it big so that I can redeem myself. YX was with me when I was going thru a difficult period. She was the motivation of my dreams. To make enough to let her have a happy, luxurious life. But before it could happen, we split. Now that I’m back in MLM biz, I still have this stupid dream. If not to get her back, then at least get back at her. Everyone who reads this will think it’s stupid. Yeah man I think so too. But dreams are not logical anyway.
I think I just need love. Not sex, you fuckhead, love.
I see people in love, and envy them. I see people with super-steady gfs who can get along with the rest of the gang, and I envy them. I had someone like that.
Hahaha.. how apt. My bro just brought his gf home. I have to vacate the room. Be back later.
No I’m not that sad lah.. just happens once in a while. If I don’t let it off here, where else?
Then I spoke to YX. We chatted about our past, and that we were willing to put the past behind us.. then suddenly she had to go. She didn’t disappear lah, just left my house. Something weird happened after that… I could hear her speaking to someone on the phone.. the whole conversation was in my head… fucked up lah, basically. The whole conversation left me feeling damn fucked up haha.
Then I woke up. Lonely.
All the bad memories came flooding back. How the r/s between YX and I ended. I woke up with hate.
I think I have too much hate in me. I go through everyday happy, trying to make everyone be happy as well. Give them hope, make them laugh, make them see how they are headed towards a good future. But when I go home, end of the day, when everyone’s asleep and I’m still awake, I am filled with hate. And sadness. I haven’t shared my bed with someone I love for almost two years. I haven’t learnt to let go properly. How fucked.
It sucks not being able to go home at the end of the day and share happiness with someone. It sucks not being able to go home at the end of the day and be act like a little boy to someone. This whole “big Bro” image is what I give everyone, but I still need my outlet at the end of the day.
What Yaohui said is right. I have to learn how to admit that I lost. But fuck man I still refuse to do so. I just hate failing. I hate losing.
I still think of the Basketball Finals when I was Captain. How we were on the verge of making a comeback when I traveled. How I did not expend every bit of my energy to make sure we won.
I still think of making it big so that I can redeem myself. YX was with me when I was going thru a difficult period. She was the motivation of my dreams. To make enough to let her have a happy, luxurious life. But before it could happen, we split. Now that I’m back in MLM biz, I still have this stupid dream. If not to get her back, then at least get back at her. Everyone who reads this will think it’s stupid. Yeah man I think so too. But dreams are not logical anyway.
I think I just need love. Not sex, you fuckhead, love.
I see people in love, and envy them. I see people with super-steady gfs who can get along with the rest of the gang, and I envy them. I had someone like that.
Hahaha.. how apt. My bro just brought his gf home. I have to vacate the room. Be back later.
No I’m not that sad lah.. just happens once in a while. If I don’t let it off here, where else?
posted by BigBang at 9:15 AM
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